A change…

April 18, 2011 Amber

So I need to move.  I’ve been putting it off for awhile now, but really I can’t stay living with Mike.  It’s not healthy.  One of the reasons I have been putting it off is because until I can start working.. or go to school.. I can’t afford a place on my own.  My best friend and her boy friend have a really nice place they rent and they have an extra room downstairs and the rent would be cheap enough… but he is alot like Mike and I am trying to get away from a controlling situation, I am not about to put myself into another one.

Another reason is fear.  I have never lived alone.  I went from my grandparents house to Mike’s.  Sure I’ve paid part of the rent, bills and bought groceries, but I have never been soley responsible for everything.  And that terrifies me… and yet excites me at the same time.  I mean I’d be able to do whatever I wanted, go out whenever I wanted…..without fear of getting in trouble, yelled at and accused of doing things I haven’t done.  I could clean the house and it would stay clean.  I could put stuff where I wanted.

So I’m torn.  The idea of being able to have freedom gets me excited for life.  Makes me want to sing and dance with happiness…. But the idea of being alone stops me dead.  And what if I fail?  What if I suddenly find myself unable to afford the rent?  Since I was 18 I have lived with and been with Mike.. but now it is time to move on.. time to get my life together.. time to be independent.. and more importantly, time to be happy.

About a month ago my mother called me.. She lives in North Carolina now and we haven’t really talked for years, but slowly we are getting back into contact.. Anyways, she called me and asked if I wanted to rent the apartment she still has up here.  I’d pay half the rent.. which is the same amount I pay here.. and everything but laundry and phone is included.. even furniture.  This was just too good to pass up.  It would be perfect for me, so I told her I’d take it.

Well the landlord said I could move in, but he lost the key so my mother had to mail him the key she has.  It took 2 weeks but he finally got it!  So now my grandmother and I can go take a look at it sometime this week.. I am hoping to move in June.

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April 2011

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